Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
