Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
