Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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