Kiss
Puke
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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