those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
