If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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