i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Your cock deserves a montage
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.