just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon