found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.