I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.