Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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  (573): how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain? http://tfl.nu/ptj1
  Replies (7) Good night (3313) Bad night (668)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.

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  (812): My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here. http://tfl.nu/tf3w
  Replies (17) Good night (759) Bad night (4681)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's a dina-saur

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  (201): you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct (973): that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand (201): she's a dina-saur http://tfl.nu/b0aw
  Replies (32) Good night (5472) Bad night (1043)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.

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  (360): I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink. http://tfl.nu/xse5
  Replies (6) Good night (4514) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he tried to breastfeed my turtle

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  (864): he tried to breastfeed my turtle http://tfl.nu/mp5f
  Replies (16) Good night (1695) Bad night (2805)
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  (408): View more from California

  He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!

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  (408): He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!! http://tfl.nu/u5h8
  Replies (14) Good night (2353) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.

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  (707): He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple. http://tfl.nu/9nil
  Replies (5) Good night (820) Bad night (989)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Is that weird?

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  (508): We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am? (913): Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/18nc
  Replies (4) Good night (1136) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.

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  (937): I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast. http://tfl.nu/9len
  Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Does he think you're psycho?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Officially...... yes.

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  (405): I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new. (1-405): Does he think you're psycho? (405): Officially...... yes. http://tfl.nu/uyur
  Replies (8) Good night (1540) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.

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  (719): Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink. http://tfl.nu/ib0d
  Replies (5) Good night (852) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste

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  (215): they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste http://tfl.nu/vto5
  Replies (2) Good night (804) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.

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  (612): That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful. http://tfl.nu/5ca5
  Replies (0) Good night (280) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...

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  (479): I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns... http://tfl.nu/3zef
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.

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  (606): My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite. http://tfl.nu/zym2
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (164)

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