did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm