i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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