she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..