Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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  (312): Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job http://tfl.nu/iix6
  Replies (27) Good night (5009) Bad night (606)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I want my thong back.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I hate you tequila.

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  (763): I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong... (612): I want my thong back. (763): I hate you tequila. http://tfl.nu/u481
  Replies (16) Good night (5008) Bad night (811)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.

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  (703): We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college. http://tfl.nu/pxwn
  Replies (11) Good night (4557) Bad night (630)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

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  (413): Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck http://tfl.nu/rnye
  Replies (5) Good night (1292) Bad night (3514)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him

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  (304): His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him http://tfl.nu/2mpu
  Replies (15) Good night (3469) Bad night (1918)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated

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  (206): Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated http://tfl.nu/xvfw
  Replies (10) Good night (679) Bad night (3087)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

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  (248): Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor. http://tfl.nu/dwej
  Replies (1) Good night (2414) Bad night (890)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree

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  (215): i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree http://tfl.nu/vm1y
  Replies (2) Good night (1519) Bad night (869)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.

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  (970): Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/jvs7
  Replies (9) Good night (1077) Bad night (446)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.

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  (250): I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder. http://tfl.nu/j76c
  Replies (9) Good night (2480) Bad night (957)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?

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  (410): Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole? http://tfl.nu/dt20
  Replies (5) Good night (908) Bad night (499)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise

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  (410): I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON (908): Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise http://tfl.nu/ujsf
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (335)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.

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  (812): Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes. http://tfl.nu/kd9i
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (275)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...

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  (260): as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is... http://tfl.nu/earv
  Replies (16) Good night (714) Bad night (1255)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......

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  (860): btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd....... http://tfl.nu/m4om
  Replies (4) Good night (219) Bad night (641)

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