oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.