Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
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Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies