This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
