I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?