i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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