smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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