Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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