Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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