I wish I only lived at night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There r osticjed everywhere
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Alive.
So much puke
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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