never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
