I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
