she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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