I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
