we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
