I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
