Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
