Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
