Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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