I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
