dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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