her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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