sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your penis caused this!
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