So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
