I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
