Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
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Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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