know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
