I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
