I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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