went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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