U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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