No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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