A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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