apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Couch. On fire.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
