Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
