So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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