i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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