I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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