please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
