I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
