Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
