Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
