U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
