I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
