Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
