Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
