Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
