I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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