I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
