Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
