4 words: hood of his car
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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