a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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