I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
