Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
