Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
