I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
