Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Damn victory sex feels great
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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