then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
