She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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