Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
