I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
In America we eat man semen.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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