i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Never joke about your clitoris.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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