We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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