someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
