Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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